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babeinthewoods5 weeks ago today, Canadians everywhere sat down to their meal of choice for Thanksgiving.
Leftovers were had.
Leftovers were thrown away.
Leftovers were discovered buried deep in the back of the refrigerator and quick calculations were made. (Length of time in the fridge x original item)/cost of the container you stored it in=who cares how much that Tupperware cost? I'm not washing that fucking container!
And, eventually, life in Canadia returned to normalcy...or, at least, as normal as a society that revolves around a coffee dispensing, dead hockey player can be.
We regained our normal Canadianity without all the shiny, happy, hopeful Thankfulness.
We regained normalcy just in time for our neighbours to the south to go on their annual campaign of bat-shit craziness over "Thanksgiving".
And we lauuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. Well, we point and laugh, but you all can't see us through that one way mirror you set up at the 49th parallel so we can see you and you can also see you...so we tell you that we don't point.
But we do.
We just don't get it.
By the time we've lost the glow of the patina of thankfulness, you people are just warming up into full on shiny, happy siliness that turns into a month long drunk driving season bookended by two eating holidays and an orgy of spending.
We just don't get you.
We've met you all.
We're Canadians and even we can't handle that much fake joy crammed into one short time period (And if you choose not to believe me, try the Calgary Stampede sometime). How do you do it?
And how do you do it knowing that you're so damned late to the Thanksgiving party?
Yes...I know. Yours is the "real" Thanksgiving and ours is the silly replica that gets celebrated by people who can't read a calendar...but isn't it difficult to operate under that constant pressure to be happy and joyful?
Doesn't it eventually hurt to have a holiday erection caused by so much turkey viagara?
Eventually, don't you want to take off your holiday spirit and hang it up in a closet for an hour or two so you can be bitter and jaded like your neighbours to the North get to be while you're busy being chock full of the mandatory joy of the season?
You won't have your Thanksgiving for a week and I'm already exhausted from the non-stop innundation of Thankfulness and spirit of the season on the other side of the border.
Y'all gotta tone it down a bit. You sort of seem like the Whos in Whoville...and that's coming from a Canadian...yanno, the people who worship coffee at the altar of the dead Hockey player.
If we think this is nuts...
Leftovers were had.
Leftovers were thrown away.
Leftovers were discovered buried deep in the back of the refrigerator and quick calculations were made. (Length of time in the fridge x original item)/cost of the container you stored it in=who cares how much that Tupperware cost? I'm not washing that fucking container!
And, eventually, life in Canadia returned to normalcy...or, at least, as normal as a society that revolves around a coffee dispensing, dead hockey player can be.
We regained our normal Canadianity without all the shiny, happy, hopeful Thankfulness.
We regained normalcy just in time for our neighbours to the south to go on their annual campaign of bat-shit craziness over "Thanksgiving".
And we lauuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. Well, we point and laugh, but you all can't see us through that one way mirror you set up at the 49th parallel so we can see you and you can also see you...so we tell you that we don't point.
But we do.
We just don't get it.
By the time we've lost the glow of the patina of thankfulness, you people are just warming up into full on shiny, happy siliness that turns into a month long drunk driving season bookended by two eating holidays and an orgy of spending.
We just don't get you.
We've met you all.
We're Canadians and even we can't handle that much fake joy crammed into one short time period (And if you choose not to believe me, try the Calgary Stampede sometime). How do you do it?
And how do you do it knowing that you're so damned late to the Thanksgiving party?
Yes...I know. Yours is the "real" Thanksgiving and ours is the silly replica that gets celebrated by people who can't read a calendar...but isn't it difficult to operate under that constant pressure to be happy and joyful?
Doesn't it eventually hurt to have a holiday erection caused by so much turkey viagara?
Eventually, don't you want to take off your holiday spirit and hang it up in a closet for an hour or two so you can be bitter and jaded like your neighbours to the North get to be while you're busy being chock full of the mandatory joy of the season?
You won't have your Thanksgiving for a week and I'm already exhausted from the non-stop innundation of Thankfulness and spirit of the season on the other side of the border.
Y'all gotta tone it down a bit. You sort of seem like the Whos in Whoville...and that's coming from a Canadian...yanno, the people who worship coffee at the altar of the dead Hockey player.
If we think this is nuts...
