"Fetlife911...what's your emergency?"
Feb. 28th, 2013 11:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
babeinthewoodsAccording to some, if I have a problem with the Great and Powerful Oz then I should simply get out my Ruby Slippers and click my heels three times.
After all, there's no place like home.
We're whining, they say. Complaining. Yelling at the wind. No change has ever come from people saying things are not right. What's the point? We're annoying them. Clogging their feed with this stupidity. All they wanna do is come here so they can fuck or pass in peace.
After all, Rosa Parks still sits at the back of the bus so it's gotta be true.
*"If it's such a terrible place, why don't you make your own website and go there?"*
Except that I never said it was a horrible place.
Not at all.
I've been here now for about 4 years. My profile number is 460,984 and this is my second profile. I closed my first when I moved here and just wanted a change. I gave up a profile number that was under 100,000. I'm not new to this, or to BDSM or to life.
I'm not new. At our ages, how many of us really are "new"?
Technically we are all adults. In a lot of ways we should know "better" than some of these situations turn out. In a lot of ways we can see what went wrong when something did.
I wrote about a horrible mistake I made once and had to involve police in two different countries in an unpleasant stalking incident.
I was an adult. I was almost 30 for the love of Odin.
I was busy. I was careless because I was busy and I paid the price.
But...notice what I called it...a "horrible mistake". NOT a "happy on-purpose". No one sets out to be stalked, outed, harassed, used, abused, raped, tortured or murdered.
No one thinks inside their head "Well, it seems okay. I'll just give this guy with the rusty, bloody cleaver instead of a hand all my personal information because he seems on the up and up".
Trust me. No one thinks that.
The ones who are fine with everything the way it is, the ones who don't want the boat rocked or the status quo questioned are also saying something else:
"Well, you did it in the first place. It's your fault"
Sure. I got up in the morning, officer.
I got dressed.
I left my house. I got in the car and started it up. I went through that green light at the proper speed and...BAM!...that speeding semi driven by the guy hopped up on bennies slammed into me!
But I chose to leave the house.
So, sure, on some level I am to be held accountable for what happened to me.
On some level, I probably could have changed my fate.
That doesn't mean that I can fix everything all by myself. I'll need help. Police, paramedics, doctors, nurses, physiotherapists. Just because I knew the risk of getting in my car does NOT mean that I should be expected to sort the results out by myself...quietly and without causing any inconvenience to anyone else.
I have the right to expect that when I need the help of others, the emergency services that exist for just such an occasion, they'll be there and I'll be given the best care imaginable to be administered quickly and situationally.
That doesn't mean, additionally, that the others who are involved in the mess don't need to be held accountable for their part in the flaming wreckage.
And that is the sticking point.
If the police, paramedics, doctors and nurses didn't show up to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, they'd be derelict in their duties.
'Round these parts, BitLove Inc ARE the emergency services.
When something happens, say a flaming trainwreck involving things that clearly go against the rules they set out and we agree to abide by, they're the ones that we expect to respond in the capacity of emergency services.
They're the police who are going to charge the other driver for his crimes in their jurisdiction based on evidence.
No one runs to the caretakers because something *didn't* happen. No one wants to take time out of their day to complain about something that wasn't an issue.
However, when we do need to call Fetlife911 because our safety or our personal identity is being compromised by another member doing something they expressly agreed not to do when they signed up, we expect them to respond.
Not a day later.
Not 5 days later.
Not a month later.
We expect them to respond. Quickly.
We expect them to be able to recognize violations of the terms and conditions THEY agreed to when they joined as well.
We expect them to do so consistently, not just when the mood strikes them.
We expect them to act fairly.
We expect them to uphold their own damned rules that we had to agree to when we joined.
Frankly, we expect them to do *something* god dammit!
Not the nothing made up of meaningless doubletalk followed by a strike against the person who complained.
Not the nothing.
Not the "I'm sorry you're upset about this." as official word from a BitLove employee.
Not the "How does a police report prove anything?"
Not the admonition that you shouldn't expect the Fetlife police (because when there are rules, those who enforce them and place sanctions against those who offend them ARE the police) to do anything because absolute proof isn't enough and whaddya gonna do, anyway?
If we do something, they'll just keep doing it and so why bother?
"Why have Terms of Use, at all?" someone very observant asked in a comment on one of my other writings.
Good question.
Because appearance is everything.
It needs to appear that this place isn't anarchy.
It needs to appear that the wardens have control of the inmates.
It needs to appear that "Enter at your own risk" isn't the actual motto of the site.
Because appearance is EVERYTHING.
It's not that we hate it here. In fact, most of us love it for what it is to us.
The nameless, faceless caretakers we're not *allowed* to know choosing when and how to apply the rules as it suits them and when they can get around to it is the problem.
If we don't trust them, why should we be here?
Why should we be products they can sell for revenue?
How long is a website going to last if they can't hold their membership?
I don't want fetlife gone. Not at all. I like it here.
The flip side of that is that if I'm obligated to operate by the rules, so is everyone else.
And that includes The Powers That Be.
It's not a matter of hate. It's not a matter of "drama". It's not a matter of wanting to be a squeaky wheel.
It's accountability, pure and simple. We want BitLove to be accountable for their own flying fuck ups the way we're being told to be.
Fetlife911...what's your emergency?
Uhm...you're NOT doing your job.
After all, there's no place like home.
We're whining, they say. Complaining. Yelling at the wind. No change has ever come from people saying things are not right. What's the point? We're annoying them. Clogging their feed with this stupidity. All they wanna do is come here so they can fuck or pass in peace.
After all, Rosa Parks still sits at the back of the bus so it's gotta be true.
*"If it's such a terrible place, why don't you make your own website and go there?"*
Except that I never said it was a horrible place.
Not at all.
I've been here now for about 4 years. My profile number is 460,984 and this is my second profile. I closed my first when I moved here and just wanted a change. I gave up a profile number that was under 100,000. I'm not new to this, or to BDSM or to life.
I'm not new. At our ages, how many of us really are "new"?
Technically we are all adults. In a lot of ways we should know "better" than some of these situations turn out. In a lot of ways we can see what went wrong when something did.
I wrote about a horrible mistake I made once and had to involve police in two different countries in an unpleasant stalking incident.
I was an adult. I was almost 30 for the love of Odin.
I was busy. I was careless because I was busy and I paid the price.
But...notice what I called it...a "horrible mistake". NOT a "happy on-purpose". No one sets out to be stalked, outed, harassed, used, abused, raped, tortured or murdered.
No one thinks inside their head "Well, it seems okay. I'll just give this guy with the rusty, bloody cleaver instead of a hand all my personal information because he seems on the up and up".
Trust me. No one thinks that.
The ones who are fine with everything the way it is, the ones who don't want the boat rocked or the status quo questioned are also saying something else:
"Well, you did it in the first place. It's your fault"
Sure. I got up in the morning, officer.
I got dressed.
I left my house. I got in the car and started it up. I went through that green light at the proper speed and...BAM!...that speeding semi driven by the guy hopped up on bennies slammed into me!
But I chose to leave the house.
So, sure, on some level I am to be held accountable for what happened to me.
On some level, I probably could have changed my fate.
That doesn't mean that I can fix everything all by myself. I'll need help. Police, paramedics, doctors, nurses, physiotherapists. Just because I knew the risk of getting in my car does NOT mean that I should be expected to sort the results out by myself...quietly and without causing any inconvenience to anyone else.
I have the right to expect that when I need the help of others, the emergency services that exist for just such an occasion, they'll be there and I'll be given the best care imaginable to be administered quickly and situationally.
That doesn't mean, additionally, that the others who are involved in the mess don't need to be held accountable for their part in the flaming wreckage.
And that is the sticking point.
If the police, paramedics, doctors and nurses didn't show up to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, they'd be derelict in their duties.
'Round these parts, BitLove Inc ARE the emergency services.
When something happens, say a flaming trainwreck involving things that clearly go against the rules they set out and we agree to abide by, they're the ones that we expect to respond in the capacity of emergency services.
They're the police who are going to charge the other driver for his crimes in their jurisdiction based on evidence.
No one runs to the caretakers because something *didn't* happen. No one wants to take time out of their day to complain about something that wasn't an issue.
However, when we do need to call Fetlife911 because our safety or our personal identity is being compromised by another member doing something they expressly agreed not to do when they signed up, we expect them to respond.
Not a day later.
Not 5 days later.
Not a month later.
We expect them to respond. Quickly.
We expect them to be able to recognize violations of the terms and conditions THEY agreed to when they joined as well.
We expect them to do so consistently, not just when the mood strikes them.
We expect them to act fairly.
We expect them to uphold their own damned rules that we had to agree to when we joined.
Frankly, we expect them to do *something* god dammit!
Not the nothing made up of meaningless doubletalk followed by a strike against the person who complained.
Not the nothing.
Not the "I'm sorry you're upset about this." as official word from a BitLove employee.
Not the "How does a police report prove anything?"
Not the admonition that you shouldn't expect the Fetlife police (because when there are rules, those who enforce them and place sanctions against those who offend them ARE the police) to do anything because absolute proof isn't enough and whaddya gonna do, anyway?
If we do something, they'll just keep doing it and so why bother?
"Why have Terms of Use, at all?" someone very observant asked in a comment on one of my other writings.
Good question.
Because appearance is everything.
It needs to appear that this place isn't anarchy.
It needs to appear that the wardens have control of the inmates.
It needs to appear that "Enter at your own risk" isn't the actual motto of the site.
Because appearance is EVERYTHING.
It's not that we hate it here. In fact, most of us love it for what it is to us.
The nameless, faceless caretakers we're not *allowed* to know choosing when and how to apply the rules as it suits them and when they can get around to it is the problem.
If we don't trust them, why should we be here?
Why should we be products they can sell for revenue?
How long is a website going to last if they can't hold their membership?
I don't want fetlife gone. Not at all. I like it here.
The flip side of that is that if I'm obligated to operate by the rules, so is everyone else.
And that includes The Powers That Be.
It's not a matter of hate. It's not a matter of "drama". It's not a matter of wanting to be a squeaky wheel.
It's accountability, pure and simple. We want BitLove to be accountable for their own flying fuck ups the way we're being told to be.
Fetlife911...what's your emergency?
Uhm...you're NOT doing your job.
