[personal profile] babeinthewoods
Fucking fucking goddamn fuck!

I will never learn my lesson, will I?

It's my day off. I spent yesterday cleaning the domicile of the babe and the progeny, and already bought the week's foodstuffs. My day is mine.

How I chose to spend it was thus: Eat a bagel, drink a coffee, play some Bubble Safari and browse fetlife. I've been woefully remiss in giving good ole fet its required daily allowance of babelicious wit and wisdom of late.

I read through my usual suspects in the line of forums. There was some good stuff there. I snarked and snorted and even *fainted* once.

Then I misclicked. Jesus H. Jumped Up Christ on crutches, I misclicked.

Instead of clicking "Fetlife" for my homepage, I clicked on Kinky and Popular.

Y'all know how much I love to hate to love Kinky and Popular with its Hipster Kink and smattering of Twue-Dogma. One writing caught my eye just with its title

[How About We Not Piss the 'Nillas Off huh?][https://fetlife.com/users/7487/posts/1379657#comments].

With a title like that, who could resist taking a look?

Guess what I found?

A writing, 20 hours old, with 218 loves and 48 comments...and why, I simply can't tell you.

It's actually hurting my brain.

The gist of this writing is this: We shouldn't piss them off because they don't understand and they hate.

Better yet, repeated several times in this epically long mess of an essay, *THEY HATE HARD*.

Now, fair enough, we're not supposed to be doing this for acceptance. We're supposed to be doing this for personal fulfillment.

On the other hand, it's filled with just as much "'Nilla hatin'" as it claims Nillas hate on us.

*They are belligerent and angry and will hate til their dying breath. Nothing you can say or do will convince them that we are anything but a bunch of abusive deviants and predators and the lowest scum of the Earth. I don't know why they're like that, they just are. They complain about sex shop window displays, boycott Sexapalooza, try to get the press all up in our faces outside of our events and shows in the local community centers.*

But wait...why are they like this?

Is it possible that they're pushing their beliefs in our faces because **WE'RE PUSHING OURS IN THEIRS**?????????????????????????????????

Not a day goes by that I don't see a thread (or several) asking some variation on the theme of "How should I tell my parents/children/boss/neighbours/aunt/uncle/minister that I like bondage/impact play/being a puppy/being a slave/wearing latex/being gangbanged by a group of bikers wearing gorilla suits?"

Uhm...can ya see where the Nillas might be getting the wrong idea and might get the hate on?

Can ya?

I'll give you a second. It'll come to you.

For the slow thinkers, I'll tell you.

It's because we're forcing it on them. Forcing them to know. Forcing them to tolerate. Forcing them to understand.

Forcing them to be involved in our "lifestyle" without their consent by demanding that we're accepted for what we do privately without accepting what they do privately.

Force. And worse than that, forcing them to know, understand and tolerate that which isn't relevant to them. Forcing them to validate us by understanding our need to shout our private activities from rooftops without validating their need to NOT understand.

To NOT tolerate.

To not know.

We don't extend the same courtesies to them that we expect from them and then we put the label "hate" on it because it's our widdle feewings that got hurt when we weren't accepted for that which scares the bejesus out of those who don't do it.

We hate on them for not understanding what they don't NEED to understand. Or, worse, putting on that look of smug superiority and saying something like this:

*Those that hate, hate HARD. And they can still fuck up a lot of people we care about. So lets go out there and have our fun. But as tempting as it is, lets leave the vanillas out of it until they have their moments and they come to us.*

Until they have their moments and come to us? Until they come to their senses and behave exactly the way we do? Until they beg us to tell them more about things that really fall under the heading *OVERSHARING WITH THE PUBLIC*?????????

What pisses me off about all this is that the underlying theme is that it's okay if we don't understand or accept what floats the boats of the vanillas, but it's also okay to expect they understand what makes our worlds go 'round.

THEN I made the mistake of reading the comments underneath this weirdly lauded piece of writing and one of them absolutely validated every single thing I've said here:

*I also like the ideas but I have to say sometimes the look of horror on a nillas face is just to hard to pass up...*

So, it's fun to torment THEM, but it's not okay for THEM to torment US?

Have I missed something? They're supposed to give us their wholesale understanding, tolerance and acceptance while we're giggling because we horrified them with a shocking public display of...whatever the fuck it was we did to prove a point that no one can name?

It's hypocrisy.

It's vain.

It's chock full o' hubris.

And then we wonder, scratching our heads as we wonder, why they're not tripping all over themselves to validate our choices? Are we that fragile that we aren't secure unless we're validated by those who don't practise the mystical awesomeness that is alternative sexuality?

I've got news for ya.

You're never going to get validated by those who DO, so if you're waiting for those who don't to pat you on the head and give you the warm fuzzies you're in for a helluva wait, Sparky.

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babeinthewoods

February 2013

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