Fetlife: A Primer
Feb. 27th, 2013 01:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
babeinthewoodsSo, here you are.
You bought your boxed set of 50 Shades of Grey and you devoured them all in a week (which isn't surprising considering they're written at a Grade 6 level).
You're burning for more spice. More kink. More steamy, steamy sex in your otherwise humdrum life and your brain is filled with questions.
So, you turn to your search engine of choice and you ask it to tell you more about this strange "BDSM" thingy you've just discovered. To your shock, wonderment and surprise, there's a place where you can go talk to people about this discovery you've made...that you yearn for your very own Christian and that Ana was written with your secret desires in mind.
Whoa! Settle down!
You need a map to help you navigate your way through this forest. You don't know where the landmines are.
Before you click on that plus sign and start your topic, it might be good to know what to expect from your responses.
Let's take a look at some of the groups that you 50 Shades newbies will join, shall we?
Sample Question
Excuse me, do you have the time?
Kinky and Geeky (74,164 Members)
A: Time is relative, everyone knows that. The real answer to your question is 42. Btw, what comic book character would you fuck?
Novices and Newbies (61,039 Members)
A: You need to learn about time before you can tell time. Find a time mentor and learn everything you can about time. Perhaps there are time relevant events that you could attend in your area? Best of luck learning about time. Remember that time is something different to everyone and not everyone will have the same concept of time that you have. Try to find someone who sees time the same way you do if you want to be successful.
Submissive Women (47,599 Members)
A: You have to trust your Dominant about what time should mean to you, but if you can't trust his opinons on time that's a red flag. Get out while you still have time!
Sluts, Cunts and Whores (45,160 Members)
A: It's time to fuck.
Under 35 (44,761 Members)
A: Are you saying I look old?
Classified! (39,119 members)
A: PM me pictures of your vagina and I'll tell you what time it is.
Sadists and Masochists (29,137 members)
A: Why are you yelling "Red"? I thought "time" was your euphemism for "make the pain worse"...
Masters and slaves (29,048 members)
A: Masters decide what time it is. Anything less is topping from the bottom and cause for immediate release from your collar. Go away. You're dramatic.
The Comfy Chair (24,867 members)
A: Don't worry. You'll get more comfortable with time. Want a hug?
Poly & Kinky (23,907 members)
A: Questions like that show exactly why monogamy is a construct of societal conditioning and has to be eradicated.
Anal Sadists and Sluts (A.S.S.) (21,620 members)
A: My watch is in my ass. Would someone reach in and find it for me?
Submissives/Slaves/Bottoms Without Dominants (20,210 members)
A: I know you can feel lost without time, but the trick to finding out the time is to show that you don't need the time. When you're capable of being fully functioning without time, time will magically appear for you.
Ask a Female Questions (19,453 members)
A: Not all women are into time and I'm not feeding your sick, perverted wank fodder fantasies by giving you the time. Ugh. AND you have a "clock pic" avatar. What a creeper!
BDSM Theory (17,154 members)
A: While time waits for no man, wouldn't it be better to ask what the true nature is of time before you try to apply it?
Mental BDSM (16,564 members)
A: What time do you want it to be? Yes, that is a trick question...
Fuck or pass. (10,850 members)
A: Fucks time.
Fet Life Rants! (7,470 members)
A: Rule 8 violation! You're banned. Now we're gonna talk about you.
BDSM fans of Classic Rock (1,424 Members)
A: The only time that mattered was the Sixties.
Critical Curmudgeons of Kink (568 members )
A: According to recent studies, time is able to be predicted by a portable device that both measures and presents its findings. Its available to the public.
Sydney NS Kinksters (175 Members)
A: Anyone wanna hook up in my hotel room this weekend?
That's right. It's not what you pictured when you signed up with your clever screen name. It's okay...the real fake world of BDSM you find on fetlife is way more entertaining than the fake fake world of BDSM you found in 50 Shades.
You'll get used to it...or you'll need therapy.
You bought your boxed set of 50 Shades of Grey and you devoured them all in a week (which isn't surprising considering they're written at a Grade 6 level).
You're burning for more spice. More kink. More steamy, steamy sex in your otherwise humdrum life and your brain is filled with questions.
So, you turn to your search engine of choice and you ask it to tell you more about this strange "BDSM" thingy you've just discovered. To your shock, wonderment and surprise, there's a place where you can go talk to people about this discovery you've made...that you yearn for your very own Christian and that Ana was written with your secret desires in mind.
Whoa! Settle down!
You need a map to help you navigate your way through this forest. You don't know where the landmines are.
Before you click on that plus sign and start your topic, it might be good to know what to expect from your responses.
Let's take a look at some of the groups that you 50 Shades newbies will join, shall we?
Sample Question
Excuse me, do you have the time?
Kinky and Geeky (74,164 Members)
A: Time is relative, everyone knows that. The real answer to your question is 42. Btw, what comic book character would you fuck?
Novices and Newbies (61,039 Members)
A: You need to learn about time before you can tell time. Find a time mentor and learn everything you can about time. Perhaps there are time relevant events that you could attend in your area? Best of luck learning about time. Remember that time is something different to everyone and not everyone will have the same concept of time that you have. Try to find someone who sees time the same way you do if you want to be successful.
Submissive Women (47,599 Members)
A: You have to trust your Dominant about what time should mean to you, but if you can't trust his opinons on time that's a red flag. Get out while you still have time!
Sluts, Cunts and Whores (45,160 Members)
A: It's time to fuck.
Under 35 (44,761 Members)
A: Are you saying I look old?
Classified! (39,119 members)
A: PM me pictures of your vagina and I'll tell you what time it is.
Sadists and Masochists (29,137 members)
A: Why are you yelling "Red"? I thought "time" was your euphemism for "make the pain worse"...
Masters and slaves (29,048 members)
A: Masters decide what time it is. Anything less is topping from the bottom and cause for immediate release from your collar. Go away. You're dramatic.
The Comfy Chair (24,867 members)
A: Don't worry. You'll get more comfortable with time. Want a hug?
Poly & Kinky (23,907 members)
A: Questions like that show exactly why monogamy is a construct of societal conditioning and has to be eradicated.
Anal Sadists and Sluts (A.S.S.) (21,620 members)
A: My watch is in my ass. Would someone reach in and find it for me?
Submissives/Slaves/Bottoms Without Dominants (20,210 members)
A: I know you can feel lost without time, but the trick to finding out the time is to show that you don't need the time. When you're capable of being fully functioning without time, time will magically appear for you.
Ask a Female Questions (19,453 members)
A: Not all women are into time and I'm not feeding your sick, perverted wank fodder fantasies by giving you the time. Ugh. AND you have a "clock pic" avatar. What a creeper!
BDSM Theory (17,154 members)
A: While time waits for no man, wouldn't it be better to ask what the true nature is of time before you try to apply it?
Mental BDSM (16,564 members)
A: What time do you want it to be? Yes, that is a trick question...
Fuck or pass. (10,850 members)
A: Fucks time.
Fet Life Rants! (7,470 members)
A: Rule 8 violation! You're banned. Now we're gonna talk about you.
BDSM fans of Classic Rock (1,424 Members)
A: The only time that mattered was the Sixties.
Critical Curmudgeons of Kink (568 members )
A: According to recent studies, time is able to be predicted by a portable device that both measures and presents its findings. Its available to the public.
Sydney NS Kinksters (175 Members)
A: Anyone wanna hook up in my hotel room this weekend?
That's right. It's not what you pictured when you signed up with your clever screen name. It's okay...the real fake world of BDSM you find on fetlife is way more entertaining than the fake fake world of BDSM you found in 50 Shades.
You'll get used to it...or you'll need therapy.
