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babeinthewoodsCharlie Mackenzie: *Hey Mom, I find it interesting that you refer to the Weekly World News as, "The paper." The paper contains facts.*
May Mackenzie: *This paper contains facts. And this paper has the eighth highest circulation in the whole wide world. Right? Plenty of facts. "Pregnant man gives birth." That's a fact.*
*-So I Married An Axe-Murderer, 1993*
My entire life has been overshadowed by the Weekly World News and its cavalcade of "facts".
My earliest memory is of reading a headline on its front page. I was about 6 and well past the "sounding it out" stage of reading development.
**Pregnant Woman Denied Foodstamps! Forced to eat cat food! Gives birth to litter of kittens!**
I shit you not. Plenty of facts.
One of my favourite recurring characters was that of [BatBoy][http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bat_Boy_(character)], the half batling who made multiple appearances on the cover.
I loved BatBoy so much that my father, god bless his pointy little head, had his image screened on to a t-shirt for my Sweet 16.
My father and I loved the Weekly World News, its facts and its circulation that was enough to allow it to proclaim its position as the 8th highest circulating newspaper in the world. We'd seek out new issues and laugh over headlines. Some we actually still quote to this day.
So...why has my life been overshadowed by something that obviously brought me so much joy over the years?
When I was 8, they ran a headline: *Scientists Predict End of the World December 12, 2012*.
My date of birth is December 12, 1972 so naturally both my developing love of the Weekly World News AND the fact that my birthday was displayed on the cover caused me to notice that issue.
I made my mom buy it once I did some quick gazzintas and gazzontas and realized that the end of the world would happen on my 40th birthday.
For the first time ever she gave in to me (Not, I should note, without an exasperated "oh for the love of GAWD!" and the suggestion that she needed to kill my father for encouraging this silliness of her progeny). I had my coveted copy and read the article with fascination.
I kept it for years.
Every time The Paper would run another END OF THE WORLD ON 12/12/12 article, I'd add that edition to my collection.
It became part of my identity that for most life would begin at 40, but for me the world would end at 40.
Seemed par for the course in the land o' babe.
And here we are. Just over a month away from the event in question.
I'll turn 40 in just 33 days.
Or will I?
So many predictions for the end of the world have come and gone with much anticipation and very little follow through.
Remember the Great Earthquake that Nostradamus predicted would reshape the West Coast on Mother's Day, 1988? Nothing.
Remember Y2K? Nothing.
Remember the dozens of times that Revelation was upon us? Nothing.
Despite the fact that I've laughed at the predictions of the 8th highest circulating newspaper on the planet and used their lore to create a babe-mythology...I'm a little worried. For the last 32 years, I've watched end of the world predictions come and go with much fanfare and no money shot.
Also, I've met my luck. I've met my luck, god dammit.
If anything is true, it's that the life of babe is punctuated by moments of sheer absurdity.
The world ending on my 40th birthday as predicted by a supermarket tabloid would certainly fall under the heading of "absurdity".
Absurdity that is very, very, very apropos to a babe.
Maybe people should be taking this prediction a little more seriously...after all, they did have the 8th highest circulation on the planet...chances are good that they'd eventually have to have gotten *something* right...
May Mackenzie: *This paper contains facts. And this paper has the eighth highest circulation in the whole wide world. Right? Plenty of facts. "Pregnant man gives birth." That's a fact.*
*-So I Married An Axe-Murderer, 1993*
My entire life has been overshadowed by the Weekly World News and its cavalcade of "facts".
My earliest memory is of reading a headline on its front page. I was about 6 and well past the "sounding it out" stage of reading development.
**Pregnant Woman Denied Foodstamps! Forced to eat cat food! Gives birth to litter of kittens!**
I shit you not. Plenty of facts.
One of my favourite recurring characters was that of [BatBoy][http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bat_Boy_(character)], the half batling who made multiple appearances on the cover.
I loved BatBoy so much that my father, god bless his pointy little head, had his image screened on to a t-shirt for my Sweet 16.
My father and I loved the Weekly World News, its facts and its circulation that was enough to allow it to proclaim its position as the 8th highest circulating newspaper in the world. We'd seek out new issues and laugh over headlines. Some we actually still quote to this day.
So...why has my life been overshadowed by something that obviously brought me so much joy over the years?
When I was 8, they ran a headline: *Scientists Predict End of the World December 12, 2012*.
My date of birth is December 12, 1972 so naturally both my developing love of the Weekly World News AND the fact that my birthday was displayed on the cover caused me to notice that issue.
I made my mom buy it once I did some quick gazzintas and gazzontas and realized that the end of the world would happen on my 40th birthday.
For the first time ever she gave in to me (Not, I should note, without an exasperated "oh for the love of GAWD!" and the suggestion that she needed to kill my father for encouraging this silliness of her progeny). I had my coveted copy and read the article with fascination.
I kept it for years.
Every time The Paper would run another END OF THE WORLD ON 12/12/12 article, I'd add that edition to my collection.
It became part of my identity that for most life would begin at 40, but for me the world would end at 40.
Seemed par for the course in the land o' babe.
And here we are. Just over a month away from the event in question.
I'll turn 40 in just 33 days.
Or will I?
So many predictions for the end of the world have come and gone with much anticipation and very little follow through.
Remember the Great Earthquake that Nostradamus predicted would reshape the West Coast on Mother's Day, 1988? Nothing.
Remember Y2K? Nothing.
Remember the dozens of times that Revelation was upon us? Nothing.
Despite the fact that I've laughed at the predictions of the 8th highest circulating newspaper on the planet and used their lore to create a babe-mythology...I'm a little worried. For the last 32 years, I've watched end of the world predictions come and go with much fanfare and no money shot.
Also, I've met my luck. I've met my luck, god dammit.
If anything is true, it's that the life of babe is punctuated by moments of sheer absurdity.
The world ending on my 40th birthday as predicted by a supermarket tabloid would certainly fall under the heading of "absurdity".
Absurdity that is very, very, very apropos to a babe.
Maybe people should be taking this prediction a little more seriously...after all, they did have the 8th highest circulation on the planet...chances are good that they'd eventually have to have gotten *something* right...
