I'd rather pay the mob for protection than depend on fetlife and its employees to enforce its own ru

There are a bunch of writings, pics and comments all on the same subject.

Fetlife, the "new" and "improved" TOU, the TOU as written as opposed to the "common sense" TOU the caretakers were told to abide by and the real life, real world threats that some members face every time they log in.

The insidious and ever present threat to private safety some members face here and the selectively glacial speed that the powers that be act when confronted by a threat.

A year ago, I mistakenly turned to the caretakers when I was threatened by a local member about (verbatim quote) "taking everything I know about you to facebook". He did indeed know stuff about me. He knew people I knew, was aware of basic information about me and could identify me. We had friends AND enemies in common. He could reach through his vanilla world and destroy mine fairly easily and quickly.

The threat was made via PM, and on this user's own profile in white on black. He said, clearly and publicly that it was his intention to take his knowledge of the entity known as babeinthewoods public to another website if I didn't bow to his list of demands that I "fall in line" with his demands that I be docile, compliant and agreeable to and about him despite the fact that he took every opportunity to undermine and debase me.

That, dear friends, was pretty clear.

The response of the caretakers?

"Well, you did engage him."

I wish I were shitting you.

Our intrepid judges, juries and executioners sifted through a series of screen shots clearly showing a member give me ultimatums culminating in threats of exposing my mild mannered alter ego in relation to babe...and their response was to tell me it was my fault for standing up to him in the first place.

I shouldn't have engaged with him.

No mention of him not supposed to threaten or harrass another member....NO. I was told, in very certain terms, that I was on warning for "engaging" him.

I immediately blocked him.

Within hours, another local member put up a blog naming me by fet name as well as first name (which is fairly uncommon). She then told stories that were part overblown truth, part total fabrication and part hallucination but all told as gospel.

With my name.

Ahem...my NAMES. And my town. And the name of my former partner. All of this in the name of "standing up for my victims".

I was freaking the fuck out and publicly NAMED in a small town but they were victims.

I contacted the caretakers.

They did nothing.

For 48 hours I waited while this was linked to all over fetlife. She was spamming every group she could find with the link to this writing that exposed my personal information.

Finally, after two days, I lost my last marble.

I contacted her via PM.

I asked her what in the name of holy old fuck I'd ever done to her to deserve the emotional ass-raping I was getting.

Her response was to copy/pasta my PM and add it to the comments section of the note. In her estimation it was an ironclad admission of my "guilt" and that all her allegations were true.

Her note had hundreds of comments on it when it was finally removed.

After 5 days.

The only thing they had to say, when it was finally dealt with, was this:

*Hi there babeinthewoods!*

*We took down the pms about two hours ago, based on an earlier report from someone else.*

*Caretaker*

What the actual fuck? It took 5 days and "someone else" to get this dealt with? I was named. My town was revealed (hint: It's NOT Sydney). I was revealed to have an insidious STI (I don't). I was revealed to have had an abortion (I did) in a place where religion and medicine are so intertwined that medical treatment is one step above being leeched and exorcised.

I thought, obviously with great and stupid naivete, that new and more stringent rules would translate to new and more stringent responses.

I'm saddened to report that there is no response. There's no interest in the TOU benefitting anyone but bitlove Inc themselves.

Examples of this can be found [here][https://fetlife.com/users/113811/posts/1427184] and [here][https://fetlife.com/explore/#/users/76198/posts/1424408] and prove that the physical, emotional and mental well being of the members is a very distant lower priority to painting a facade of all being well for the people who allow the almighty dollar to be made.

If this is the main worry, then perhaps it's best if fetlife DOES go bankrupt.

This place isn't fun anymore.

It isn't safe and has never been safe.

All it is is the place that I can blog without having to censor myself...so long as I don't sing my thoughts using non-sense syllables to non-verbally express myself.

My sincere condolences to the recent victims of identity exposure here. I know how it feels to be outed and exposed and have your life ripped out of your hands. I know what it's like to be ignored in favour of someone who isn't a "problem".

At least... at the very least, if I paid the mob for my protection... the cosa nostra has a code of honour that they follow without fail and follow through when they say they will.

It's a sorry state of affairs when organized crime is more honourable than a "legitimate" business entity.

## EDIT:

Ten years ago, I was a prolific poster on an internet forum for a popular television show. Okay, alright...I'll fold...I was one of the best known posters on the Fox Television forum for the show "24". Stop judging me. It was busy, interesting and fun.

The Fox forums were managed by Prospero/Delphi with a dedicated moderator known to all and sundry as "Stevo". Stevo was active as a mod, but also as a poster and joined in on all of our clock-watching, beep-chunking revelry as a fanboy himself.

But he was all business when he needed to be.

Another poster started a fansite which became almost as active as the "official" forum was. isitonyet.net (now long defunct) attracted a great amount of traffic. I mentioned one day that I had a particular screenshot that the webmaster wanted. He requested that I send it to him so he could add it to iioy for all to enjoy.

I did.

What I *didn't* do was pay careful attention to which email address I sent from. Oy.

I sent it from my @ addy.

I am the ONLY person in Canada with my name. It takes all of about 5 microseconds to find me online if you know who I am.

As it turns out, this webmaster/24umer chose to look me up.

And then start calling me.

And then start mailing me pics of his junk via snail mail.

When I complained about his persistent harassment to Stevo, the response was swift and decisive.

He found evidence of all activity that was not okay AND FORWARDED IT TO THE GRC as evidence.

Prospero/Delphi supported me in my quest to have a member charged, even with the obvious issues of international jurisdictions. Stevo stayed with me and on top of the situation.

The site, despite the fact that contact was made offline, worked to keep me safe.

Thank you Stevo...shame on you Baku.

Vanilla real life shaming. Now I've seen it all.

There's a battle going on, kids.

You've seen it. I infect your feed, so it's 100% certain that you've seen the brouhaha.

A [member][https://fetlife.com/users/113811/posts/1427184] is upset.

Justifiably upset.

She's been outed. By people she was in a relationship with. Who have now threatened to track down her convicted murderer ex-husband and disclose her current identity and location to him so that he can track her down and make good on his promise to kill her (and possibly her children) for her crime of having worked with the police for his conviction many years ago.

They spammed members of this site with links to her real identity, making sure it was linked with her fet identity.

The reason they're doing this is that she left them and they're exacting revenge.

She did the very reasonable thing.

She contacted the police and filed a report. She also contacted the caretakers and you can read the horrendous mishandling of this situation in the link I provided above.

I'm not writing now about that, although the selective enforcement of the very ambiguously written TOU is very much on my mind.

I'm writing about something that someone said in response to this mess.

*You shouldn't be on here if you have something to hide*

Those 11 words have me so angry I'm physically ill.

So now, in addition to victim blaming and predator protecting, we're adding vanilla shaming to the list of ways we're holier than thou soap-boxing? Really?

We're shaming people for having vanilla lives they want to protect and keep separate?

babeinthewoods is an internet entity. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I'm a real, live, flesh and blood person on the other side of this screen.

I have a life. I have children. I have parents. I have sisters and friends and neighbours.

My children have teachers, principals, coaches and tutors.

My family has a church and coworkers and friends and extended family.

My friends have lives.

None of those things need to be impacted by who or what babeinthewoods is.

None of them.

I, and they, deserve the right to stay separate from an online profile that I use almost exclusively because I like there to be one place I can speak without having to censor myself.

However, to hear TeamBaku monologize about it, only those without anyone in the world should feel confident about their safety by being here.

Only orphans with no children, jobs, friends or neighbours should be on here.

Only people who have already inconvenienced other people with the details of their personal lives have the right to be "kinky" because they have nothing to be ashamed of.

And that, friends, is the last fucking straw.

*You shouldn't be on here if you have something to hide*

If you have a life that you value outside of your sexuality, you shouldn't be here.

If you have family or friends who have no reason to know what you get up to when you get up to Dickens, you shouldn't be here.

If you have a job that might be impacted by your sexuality, you shouldn't be here.

Only the one dimensional, cookie cutter, kinkier than thou who preach to the unconverted should be here.

I'm sickened.

I'm saddened.

I'm horrified that we're now shaming people for having lives that they don't want negatively impacted by membership on a fucking internet website.

Has it really come to this?

Are we really telling people that they shouldn't have the right to explore their sexuality and interests if they have anything else in their life at all.

Vanilla real life shaming. Now I've seen it all.

Addendum:

https://fetlife.com/users/460984/posts/1430165

"Fetlife911...what's your emergency?"

According to some, if I have a problem with the Great and Powerful Oz then I should simply get out my Ruby Slippers and click my heels three times.

After all, there's no place like home.

We're whining, they say. Complaining. Yelling at the wind. No change has ever come from people saying things are not right. What's the point? We're annoying them. Clogging their feed with this stupidity. All they wanna do is come here so they can fuck or pass in peace.

After all, Rosa Parks still sits at the back of the bus so it's gotta be true.

*"If it's such a terrible place, why don't you make your own website and go there?"*

Except that I never said it was a horrible place.

Not at all.

I've been here now for about 4 years. My profile number is 460,984 and this is my second profile. I closed my first when I moved here and just wanted a change. I gave up a profile number that was under 100,000. I'm not new to this, or to BDSM or to life.

I'm not new. At our ages, how many of us really are "new"?

Technically we are all adults. In a lot of ways we should know "better" than some of these situations turn out. In a lot of ways we can see what went wrong when something did.

I wrote about a horrible mistake I made once and had to involve police in two different countries in an unpleasant stalking incident.

I was an adult. I was almost 30 for the love of Odin.

I was busy. I was careless because I was busy and I paid the price.

But...notice what I called it...a "horrible mistake". NOT a "happy on-purpose". No one sets out to be stalked, outed, harassed, used, abused, raped, tortured or murdered.

No one thinks inside their head "Well, it seems okay. I'll just give this guy with the rusty, bloody cleaver instead of a hand all my personal information because he seems on the up and up".

Trust me. No one thinks that.

The ones who are fine with everything the way it is, the ones who don't want the boat rocked or the status quo questioned are also saying something else:

"Well, you did it in the first place. It's your fault"

Sure. I got up in the morning, officer.

I got dressed.

I left my house. I got in the car and started it up. I went through that green light at the proper speed and...BAM!...that speeding semi driven by the guy hopped up on bennies slammed into me!

But I chose to leave the house.

So, sure, on some level I am to be held accountable for what happened to me.

On some level, I probably could have changed my fate.

That doesn't mean that I can fix everything all by myself. I'll need help. Police, paramedics, doctors, nurses, physiotherapists. Just because I knew the risk of getting in my car does NOT mean that I should be expected to sort the results out by myself...quietly and without causing any inconvenience to anyone else.

I have the right to expect that when I need the help of others, the emergency services that exist for just such an occasion, they'll be there and I'll be given the best care imaginable to be administered quickly and situationally.

That doesn't mean, additionally, that the others who are involved in the mess don't need to be held accountable for their part in the flaming wreckage.

And that is the sticking point.

If the police, paramedics, doctors and nurses didn't show up to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, they'd be derelict in their duties.

'Round these parts, BitLove Inc ARE the emergency services.

When something happens, say a flaming trainwreck involving things that clearly go against the rules they set out and we agree to abide by, they're the ones that we expect to respond in the capacity of emergency services.

They're the police who are going to charge the other driver for his crimes in their jurisdiction based on evidence.

No one runs to the caretakers because something *didn't* happen. No one wants to take time out of their day to complain about something that wasn't an issue.

However, when we do need to call Fetlife911 because our safety or our personal identity is being compromised by another member doing something they expressly agreed not to do when they signed up, we expect them to respond.

Not a day later.

Not 5 days later.

Not a month later.

We expect them to respond. Quickly.

We expect them to be able to recognize violations of the terms and conditions THEY agreed to when they joined as well.

We expect them to do so consistently, not just when the mood strikes them.

We expect them to act fairly.

We expect them to uphold their own damned rules that we had to agree to when we joined.

Frankly, we expect them to do *something* god dammit!

Not the nothing made up of meaningless doubletalk followed by a strike against the person who complained.

Not the nothing.

Not the "I'm sorry you're upset about this." as official word from a BitLove employee.

Not the "How does a police report prove anything?"

Not the admonition that you shouldn't expect the Fetlife police (because when there are rules, those who enforce them and place sanctions against those who offend them ARE the police) to do anything because absolute proof isn't enough and whaddya gonna do, anyway?

If we do something, they'll just keep doing it and so why bother?

"Why have Terms of Use, at all?" someone very observant asked in a comment on one of my other writings.

Good question.

Because appearance is everything.

It needs to appear that this place isn't anarchy.

It needs to appear that the wardens have control of the inmates.

It needs to appear that "Enter at your own risk" isn't the actual motto of the site.

Because appearance is EVERYTHING.

It's not that we hate it here. In fact, most of us love it for what it is to us.

The nameless, faceless caretakers we're not *allowed* to know choosing when and how to apply the rules as it suits them and when they can get around to it is the problem.

If we don't trust them, why should we be here?

Why should we be products they can sell for revenue?

How long is a website going to last if they can't hold their membership?

I don't want fetlife gone. Not at all. I like it here.

The flip side of that is that if I'm obligated to operate by the rules, so is everyone else.

And that includes The Powers That Be.

It's not a matter of hate. It's not a matter of "drama". It's not a matter of wanting to be a squeaky wheel.

It's accountability, pure and simple. We want BitLove to be accountable for their own flying fuck ups the way we're being told to be.

Fetlife911...what's your emergency?

Uhm...you're NOT doing your job.

Terms of abuse...erm...use.

Edit:

This writing was suddenly yanked from K&P this morning. I'm no longer allowed to trend because I'm "causing drama". People who support what has happened can still go K&P but anyone speaking out against it can not.

[What a long, strange trip it's been][http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pafY6sZt0FE].

It's been a long time since I started a writing with a song, and I've missed it. babe's not exactly a DeadHead, but babe does enjoy a good road trip song now and again.

The last few days have been a roadtrip all of their own. I feel like I bought a one-way ticket to Hell, and my seat isn't as comfortable as the hand basket my mother promised I'd use to transport myself there.

Somehow, by supporting the concept of fairness, I've managed to find myself at the epicenter of controversy.

I've been applauded, sure.

I appreciate the props, the support and the kudos but that's not why I've done what I've done.

I saw a wrong. Honestly, it had very little to do with the person the wrong was done to. If I had known her before this incident, my support would have been rallying around a friend.

The specifics of *her* situation aren't really salient to the issue, either. I mean her no disrespect, nor do I mean to diminish her pain and anguish, but the catalyst is rarely the REASON for a widespread rally for change.

The issue is fairness. The issue is consistency. The issue is the fact that the people who we're accountable to in relation to abiding by the Terms we agreed to are not bound to them, except at their whim and if they choose to do so.

That is the issue.

The horrible fact of the matter is that it took nothing less than the compromised physical safety of one of our own to bring this to light.

I love my privacy.

I used to be Almost Famous. I managed to keep my public self and my private self completely separate and I was actually one of the best known people in my age group in my geographic location.

I guarded my "real life" like it was made out of eggshells and ensured that my "working persona" didn't infringe on my enjoyment of my life.

I was a radio personality. I had the highest rated show in my time slot IN THE COUNTRY at one point, and still none but my very closest peeps knew that I was the sexy, sexy voice bringing you all the hippest sounds before they happened.

I was just a radio voice.

But still it was important to me to keep life separate so that I could enjoy it.

I was so good at it, that I'd leave work and go to school where I'd join in on the water cooler discussions of the craziness that had happened on the show the night before.

My safety wasn't an issue, or if it was, it never manifested itself overtly. It was just something I wanted. Something I demanded. Something that my employers and family and friends respected.

They allowed me to maintain my mild mannered alter ego for 11 long years, and for that I thank them profusely.

Unfortunately...very unfortunately...the center of this shit storm can't say the same thing.

She wasn't just "outed" as a kink.

She wasn't just "outed" as a person.

She was outed as someone who was at the middle of a storm the likes of which most of us can't imagine. She was outed specifically to put her in grave personal danger.

She's in hiding. Literally.

And, strangely, that I get, too.

One of my best teenaged friends has been in hiding for almost 23 years from a murderer. She survived and that is her crime.

She changed her name. She changed her looks. She changed her *her*.

And she tries to live life after a night of hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone...not even the people who are bitching and screaming about bringing on the drama yourself.

The woman at the centre of this controversy committed the crime of trust.

We've all done it.

Not one of us has the right to cast the first stone in the fight of "you brought it on yourself". We've all committed a classic blunder.

But...and like a lot of the ones who are dragging her over the coals to be burnt in effigy...this is a BIG BUT:

## WHAT HAPPENED TO HOODIE ISN'T ACTUALLY THE ISSUE, YO!

What happened when she turned to get the support she deserved based on the agreement she made with this website is.

Did I speak slowly and clearly enough for you to understand that? Did all of you in the cheap seats get it?

This isn't about what Hoodie did. Or didn't do. Or maybe did. Or the mistakes she made in her personal life or your Monday Morning Quarterbacking from your esteemed high horse.

This is about what happened when she expected her real life identity to be protected HERE by the people who told her very clearly when she joined that incidents of outing were not to be tolerated.

And she's not the only one.

She's the latest.

And she's the most extreme case.

And she's struck a chord.

Because her identity was outed in relation to her relationship to a murderer from whom she's hiding.

She's free.

That means she's allowed to live a life.

Just like me. Just like you.

Whatever sins she may or may not have committed...I can't comment. All I know is that she's free and she has the right to remain so.

And this website clearly stated that her right to anonymity should she
choose it is not to be trifled with.

On paper.

That is the issue.

On paper.

It's not enforced. Except when convenient.

And the people "in charge" question the validity of documents that would be ironclad anywhere but here in the land of cupcakes and candycorns.

It hasn't all been fun and games over here where I sit, either.

I've seen the other side, and that shit ain't pretty, kids.

It's been an alarming and eye-opening insight into the way the mind of conformity works.

It's been something that's kept me up all night.

It's been something that has made me shake my head.

I've written three pieces on this that went K&P.

[I'd rather pay the mob for protection than depend on fetlife and its employees to enforce its own rules.][https://fetlife.com/users/460984/posts/1427503]

[Vanilla real life shaming. Now I've seen it all.][https://fetlife.com/users/460984/posts/1428471]

["Fetlife911...what's your emergency?"][https://fetlife.com/users/460984/posts/1430165]

Since the first, I'd rather pay the mob..., was posted Sunday morning they've recieved a total of 1766 loves between them.

So, obviously what I had to say struck a chord, and that's nice to know.

They've also gotten a total of 383 comments between them. I rarely comment on the things I write, so maybe 3 of them are actually mine. I don't like to comment whore on my own stuff. Just not something I do. If I have something to say, I write it down.

Of those 383 comments, most are...okay.

Some are effusive praise and that makes me uncomfortable. I don't write for anyone's approval, but it's nice to know you like it.

Some are "breadcrumbs", and I like them. They just wanna pass it on, and that's nice to know.

And some have been...yanno...

Not one of those writings dealt exclusively with Hoodie and her situation.

*I'd rather pay the mob* was anecdotal support of the cause based on my interaction with the ones who choose how and when to enforce which parts of the rules we're all supposed to play by. *Vanilla real life shaming* came from a comment on a writing where it was said (over and over and by multiple offenders) that you shouldn't be on here if you have something to hide...essentially saying I don't even fucking know what that's supposed to mean. *Fetlife911* is about accountability.

And still, I'm seeing comments like this everywhere on all three of them.

-LittleAngel-: 2 days ago
*i am so sick of this shit being all over K & P. "i'm scared and i want John Baku to save me!!" Fetlife is a kinky social networking site, that's it, no obligations to your personal safety. that is YOUR responsibility everyone. If you fear for your safety, call the cops, not John Baku, plain and simple. and if you don't like the site, maybe you can go start your own, and make it better. funny everyone logs onto Fetlife now to complain how shitty it is. if you don't like it, move on, and don't let the door hit you on the way out.*

Nowhere did I say that I was scared and I wanted Baku to save me. In fact, if I ever need an admitted limits violator to save my sorry ass, it's KMN time.

I said the people in charge were doing a shitty job of following their own rules and that I might be better off buying some Goodfella a pinkie ring to ensure that any violations are taken care of swiftly and by someone with honour. I never said I hated the site. I said the management wasn't doing its job.

masterkinkman: 2 days ago
*I agree people are cruel spiteful childish and vengeful they can out you even if this site was nonexistent.don't forget everything you do In life has risks it is your job to take care of risk assessment and protect yourself.FET is a public forum and as such, things like this happen.they have a small staff and even if they would have thousands of staff members they couldn't stop people that wanted to out you it's just not possible.That is why I am open about my lifestyle and I don't hide anything.Yes I know some say I have a high profile job and I have to worry about my kids and with good reason.You don't have to give a lot of detail or a blow by blow account of what you do just enough that if things like this happen bosses,social workers etc etc understand that nothing you do reflex on what you do for a living or harms your kids that's all.I find this to work very well cause I have been in this position myself and all this helped me with out any real problems to deal with the insane people that tried to out me and they looked bad not me.*

Uhm...way to miss the point there, MKM.

No one ever said that protecting oneself wasn't an issue. The issue, as it was clearly stated *in English* mind you, was the rules not being applied.

Fuck a duck!

Kitten1971: 1 day ago
*Having not read the responses to this above my own, I am gonna step out on a limb and say this....Yes, protection through the TOU on ANY site would be nice, but in the real world it probably won't happen. This is a free(mostly) site to use, and as such, it falls more to us than anyone else to protect ourselves. Not that I am saying it is right for people to get away with harrasment or threats, just that it is a risk we all take on ANY site we frequent not just on Fet(I have had more people harass me on FB then here), and I hate to point out the obvious, but no one is forcing any of us to use this site, and if it is "not fun to be here" why stick around?*

In case you missed the point of that wall o' text, it says that it'd be NICE if they had to play by their own rules but "probably won't happen". After all, no one makes us come here, so what right does anyone have to complain?

This one doesn't even get redacted. It's so fucking asinine that it deserves to be here in all its idiotic glory:

SirGio: about 21 hours ago
*Wow. SO you want someone that is giving you a free forum to bask in your own stupidity to protect you from yourself? Not only that, but want it to die so the rest of us that LIKE it and know it's pit falls. So are careful enough to take care of our own actions. Don't have it any more?*

*You really need to take credit for your own actions. If you do not like what is here at FL. Don't come here. Don't be a part of it. Go away. Stop blaming others.*

*When my alarm clock doesn’t wake me up in the morning, I don't call out the clock maker as an irresponsible company. No I look at myself and say FUCK you’re an idiot.*

*Even Ted the teddy bear in the movie “Ted” has more responsibility for his actions. AND he’s a Teddy frickin bear.*

*You would have to thought after you got yourself in trouble the first time, you would be more careful. Stop pointing the finger. READ the disclaimer and only then “agree” to the terms if you want to join something. Don’t make us pay for your stupidity.*

*If you need water wings, don’t swim in the deep end. Oh and Please stop giving out your information!*

*"There are sicko’s out there. Protect yourself!"*

I don't know what I loved the most about this one. Was it the way he completely missed the point? Or was it the way he made it all about things I did off site that were only apropos because it made a comparison between good website management and poor website management?

Or was it just that he was a total arse?

Might be the arse part.

And on and on they go.

Those who are against consistency in the application of the TOU say pretty much the same thing.

### You're wrong 'cause personal responsibility! And you can't expect to be saved from your own stupidity 'cause Godwin! And if you don't like the website, leave! 'Cause neener-neener-neener"

And we come at them with our well reasoned arguments based in logic and small words and they still don't get it.

We even printed the argument on boobies and asses and snatches...and they still don't get it.

Despite the fact that some of these responses are offensive, semi-literate and laughable, I leave every one of them there. Okay...one gal double posted and asked me if I'd remove one of the two identical comments and so I did. I left the other one. Every single other comment is there exactly where you put it.

Last night, I was checking my notifications on my phone. In the last few days there have been a metric shit-tonne of them and if I don't keep up with them they get overwhelming. One of them caused me to check my messages. The header on the PM was "Coward".

I was intrigued.

Someone named annie says: *cant even let the truth be out there for people to see. deleted my comment. pathetic*

I scratched my head. Who can remember one functional illiterate in 2149 notifications over three days? Really...it's like looking for a needle in a stack of heroin addicts.

I knew I hadn't deleted her, so I looked for her.

There she was.

Exactly where she put herself.

[The "truth" is out there, annie. I swear to god.][https://fetlife.com/users/460984/pictures/17066554]

I responded to her that I had no idea what she was talking about. I don't delete any comments. Even those that deserve to be deleted. I didn't get into a semantic argument with someone who was clearly unarmed for a battle of wits, but I did tell her "Never mind. Found it. Right where you left it. Next time do your due diligence before hurling accusations :-D"

Then I told her not to strain herself by *being accountable for her own actions*...cause that'd be wrong.

She posted a comment that wasn't even about the writing just to post information about Hoodie for an large audience to see. She gave information about Hoodie's offsite activity.

She was outing.

No shit, Sherlock.

Read the text of that comment she was so mad I "deleted" again: "You should read Hoodie's blog where she clearly states she is still in contact with her stalker's mom. lol.. she isnt afraid of him, she wants her 15 minutes of fetlife fame"

And, ironically, that comment was found on the Vanilla shaming thread. She shamed Hoodie on the thread that talked about shaming people for wanting to have vanilla lives and connections protected from here...and this...for whatever reason they choose.

What the holy old fuck is wrong with people?

She and I have been in and out of it all morning.

I hauled her on the carpet for crashing into my life, uninvited and unannounced, hurling untrue accusations and calling me names.

I refused to accept her "apology" that was a backhanded and passive aggressive swipe at accountability...at best.

And she, like so many of those who are bitchin' and moanin' about personal accountability and taking responsibility for arsing things up, has now reported me.

ME!

The "coward".

I've been reported for my "bullying".

Erm...

Since this is fetlife and I AM a squeaky wheel (possibly the squeakiest of all the wheels right now with a total of three K&P writings on the subject of inconsistent TOU applications...twice having two there at the same time!), I will be banished, forthwith I have to assume. I'm not saying that I've been warned. I'm not saying that I've been told. I'm saying I assume it's the case because someone came uninvited into my world, harassed me and then reported me for bullying when I didn't give her a rim job and tuck her into bed.

It's to be expected.

They will have to show that they're taking a stand against people who are bullying and outing people and I will be that example.

After all, I was the one who was attacked...so it makes sense.

How do you like YOUR 15 minutes of fetlife fame, annie? Is it everything you hoped it would be?

Trust me, having people laugh *with* you isn't the same as having them laugh *at* you.

My Red Flag is Flying Upside Down.

Dear Friends

I have decided that in 7 days I will set this profile to inactive and cheerfully walk away forever.

Why?

Well...yanno...it's like this:

This place just ain't fun anymore.

I've cried real tears over what's gone on here.

I've been inundated with Private Messages that have called me every vile name in the book.

I've been reported for bullying.

I've been reported for plagiarism.

I'm tired, y'all.

I don't and never did use this site to hook up.

I've been called a fake and a phony because I love my mythology of being the tiny, female, kinky Howard Hughes.

I don't and never did use this site for "education".

The only education I got here was on how to feel really, really, really bad about myself.

I have only ever used this site for three things;

1) My ass loves its fanclub. Trufax, the ass adores the compliments.

B) Writing. It's nice to have a captive audience in a place where I don't need to censor any of my thoughts.

and

Mauve) Teh lulz

Well, the lulz are gone. Perhaps the lulz are really the storied cake from the long ago internet rules and really are a lie.

Dunno.

The ass will get used to disappointment. If worse comes to worse, it can put on a kickin' pair of skinny jeans and go out seeking some attention. Either way, life will go on.

The writing, though. I'll have to find an outlet for that...somewhere.

Since I don't write for anyone but me (and yes, I'm aware of the irony. The woman who is constantly K&P only writes for herself), anywhere will be fine.

This place has actually cost me not one but TWO relationships.

One was horrible and the other one was like sitting through a musical theatre production of someone getting a root canal to the collected works of Michael Bolton...but due to Fet, I lost them nonetheless.

In short...it's not the place for me.

I just ain't Norweigan Black Metal enough for this place.

I'm just a gal who can't seem to find her pants...and she doesn't need to take up space.

So...7 days from right now, at 1030 pm AST on Tuesday March 5th, I will go dark.

In the meantime, I will go through my writings and decide what to keep and what to toss.

I'll copy all the crap that I want and be well all the rest.

I'll remove my About Me that's nearing the point of being a work of narcissistic art after copying and saving that, too.

I'll take down all my pictures.

But...and this is the important thing...I will not delete myself.

babeinthewoods was here. I won't give her up so that someone else can snatch her up and pretend to be me...with all the perks and negative consequences that would be attached to it.

My friends, and you know who you are, know where to find me.

I'm still here...in the real world...exactly where you left me.

Those of you who would like to find yourself in the land o' babe...well...lemme know.

It's not as though I have no good memories of here. Nothing good to take with me.

I've outgrown it.

Or it's jumped the shark.

Or I don't want to be here when the hammer falls...and after that video fiasco hot on the heels of the WB worthy drama that is the TOU, I'm certain that the hammer is starting to shake.

To those of you I never speak to again...be well. Know that you were on my friends list for a reason.

You were not taken for granted.

It's closing time. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

## EDIT

Friends...if you want to stay in contact, please forward me your contact information of choice. I'm on FB, and I'm considering other sites as well. After seeing what happened to that kid here, I'm gone in 72 hours. 1030 pm March 1.

Fuck Jesus...What Would YOU Do?

Edit:
I'm no longer allowed to trend because I'm "causing drama". People who support what has happened can still go K&P but anyone speaking out against it can not.
*********************************************************************************
I want you to do something for me.

Humour me.

Close your eyes.

No, really...go ahead and do it.

Imagine you're having a great day doing all the things you like to do with your time. You're outside, maybe. Strolling down the street.

You're minding your own business.

You turn the corner and in front of you is an 8 year old child.

He asks naively "Do you think I'm hot?"

Before you can answer him...to tell him he should go home and not talk to strangers, a young woman pipes up:

"Awwwww. So cute! He wants to know if he's hot! His name is So and so and you can find him on facebook. Everybody look!"

And then, things spin wretchedly out of control.

A man, nearing middle age, begins to mock the little boy.

He repeats "Am I hot" several times. He puts on vocal intonations making sure you know that he's not supporting the question or asking for validation.

It's outright mockery.

He laughs, quite pleased with his witty impression of this small child who...again...shouldn't have been talking to strangers, but was in no way prepared to take on the actions of an adult who clearly knew better.

The man then announces to a crowd that had formed that the child, So and So, could be found in a certain place and by name.

The crowd, made up of more adults who should know better then advance on the child.

Leering.

Drooling.

Yelling sexual epithets.

Making sexual suggestions.

Telling the child he should drink bleach...faggot.

Following him from place to place like he has no right to not be swarmed by a crowd.

And through it all, everyone laughs. They're having a great old time.

What would you do?

What you just imagined was pretty much the same thing that the owner of this website and many of the members engaged in the other day. The only thing is, it wasn't on a sunny street corner. It was here.

In the darkest recesses of the internet.

Would you turn away, seeing a group of adults torment a child for sport?

Or would you do something?

Would you act?

Would you blame the little boy?

Or would you expect the adults involved to know better and not do it in the first place?

Would you hurl accusations at someone who tried to help the boy and get him to safety?

Or would you do everything in your power to help?

I'm disgusted.

I'm angry at myself that I only saved so much of this atrocity that I witnessed, but happened at such speed that documenting it and trying to help was impossible to do at the same time.

I'm angry at myself that all I can do is repeat that it's not right.

I don't care that the middle aged man was doing it for lulz.

I don't care that the girl thought it was "cute".

And I certainly don't give a flying fuck in space that the justification to this heinous act against a child *on an adult website that doesn't allow imagery of children at all* is that he shouldn't have put himself in harm's way.

That maybe he and his parents will know better next time.

Like they're doing a public service

I don't care that people are worried that this might destroy this website.

Actually, I kind of hope it does.

I don't care that people are worried that the people who have stepped up to right this wrong are being "indiscreet".

There is no expectation of discretion when you involve a child in your malicious kinks for shits and giggles.

There is no expectation for mercy from the court of public opinion if you support this.

And there's no saving yourself from what has been captured. And shared. And is being scrutinized right now.

If you were so concerned about what this is doing to the reputation of "good people", you'd be asking how the child is doing. Or how the parents are doing. Or how you could help.

But no.

You wring your hands and worry that you won't be able to log into fetlife anymore and you might have to meet real people...yanno...outside your mom's basement.

You worry you'll be exposed for the heartless and soulless shells you really are.

I worry about the child.

I pity you.

And I hope everyone gets exactly what karma will bring them.